As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
