just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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