these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
