how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
