By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
