apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
