It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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