I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
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