I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
