Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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