I want to have your abortion
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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