I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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