How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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