is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
