Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
