doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
