i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
accomplished twins. life is a go
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
