He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize