Well apparently he's into motor boating.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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