That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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