I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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