Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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