the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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