I swear god or herbie drove my car home
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
