Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
