I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
