Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
