Don't make out with my wife yet
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i need some magic done to my vagina
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
