its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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