now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
too bad you live with your parents still
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
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