If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
