i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
