zippers are such a cool invention
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
