i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
