It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
