yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
