I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
