She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
