I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
