Sponge bath it is.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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