girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
