A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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