i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
