It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
