is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
