Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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