I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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