I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
