and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
