So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
