I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
