So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
