Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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