You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
