How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
