someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
