Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
