things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
