Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
