Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
