He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
