I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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