we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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