Who did Billy Mays play for?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
