For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
