I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
