so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
