mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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