It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
